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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22831123">I Know What You Did Last Lantern Festival</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kookroach/pseuds/kookroach'>kookroach</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>UNIQ (Band), 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Crack, Crossing Timelines, Funny, Humor, I Don't Even Know, I'm still learning how to tag, Implied Mpreg, Implied mpreg because a baby suddenly appeared, M/M, Mentioned Xuē Yáng, Not Beta Read, Other, The Author Regrets Nothing, This is a pure crack, With A Little Bit Of Plot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:29:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,448</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22831123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kookroach/pseuds/kookroach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lan Wangji walked towards him with an unreadable expression. He immediately flipped over Wei Wuxian and slammed him onto the ground. Crack! Wei Wuxian’s spine was broken. He wailed in agony.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Know What You Did Last Lantern Festival</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was supposed to post during Lantern Festival but I was late so please enjoy this roller-coaster rides</p><p>This author is not a native English speaker so there might be grammatical errors that I didn't bother to correct 👉👈</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once upon a time, there was a young man. He was ambitious, brave, and intelligent. His name is Wei Wuxian. He was an orphan. He was afraid of dogs. One day, he met this young man. A tall, pure-looking and handsome young man. His name is Lan Wangji. </p><p>Nie Huaisang, “damn is that the Second Young Master Lan, Lan Wangji, one of the two jades of Gusu, the Hanguang-Jun? The rumours are true. He is a very good looking guy.”</p><p>The said Lan Wangji walked past them. Wei Wuxian, “he is also not very polite. Hey Lan Wangji! My name is Wei Wuxian! Nice to meet you!” </p><p>Lan Wangji walked towards him with an unreadable expression. He immediately flipped over Wei Wuxian and slammed him onto the ground. Crack! Wei Wuxian’s spine was broken. He wailed in agony.</p><p>Nie Huaisang, “Brother Wei!!!! are you okay??!! OH MY GOD YOUR BACK IS BROKEN!”</p><p>Wei Wuxian, “ah yes my back is broken by Hanguang-Jun. It was an honour. Peace out.” He made a peace sign and immediately faded away.</p><p>Nie Huaisang, “AAAAAAAA BROTHER WEI, WHERE ARE YOUUUUUU???!!!!!!”</p><p>Lan Wangji shook his head and walked away, leaving Nie Huaisang dumbfounded in the middle of the street.</p><p>On the other side, Wei Wuxian suddenly appeared at Cloud Recesses, “Eh? Why am I here?” he asked himself.</p><p>Then, Lan Qiren, the teacher of Gusu Lan Sect of Cloud Recesses saw him and fainted due to shock. Lan Xichen, “Uncle!!” he ran to get his uncle and looked at Wei Wuxian.</p><p>Lan Xichen, “Oh, no wonder he fainted. It’s you..” Wei Wuxian smiled like Xue Yang. Lan Xichen gasped and also fainted next to his uncle. Wei Wuxian was flabbergasted. He wondered why he suddenly appeared at Cloud Recesses. <em>Did I accidentally teleported here after my spine was broken by Lan Zhan? Hmm… </em></p><p>Speak of the devil, Lan Wangji appeared before him and carried him to the jingshi. Lan Wangji put Wei Wuxian on the bed and flipped him over to show his backside.</p><p>Wei Wuxian, “nani the f are you doing Lan Zhan. My spine is broken because of you. Are you trying to crush it into ashes? I might die Lan Zhan please spare my life. I will do anything. Please!” </p><p>Lan Wangji didn’t said anything. He moved and rotated his fingers Naruto-style and pressed against Wei Wuxian’s back. His back does not hurt anymore. His spine is fixed.</p><p>Wei Wuxian, “wow Lan Zhan did you just healed my back? Oh em gee thank you so much Lan Zhan you are so kind Hanguang-Jun eheheheheheh.”</p><p>Lan Wangji, “Wei Ying shut up. Your acting sucks.”</p><p>Wei Wuxian, “my acting is not sucks. Zewu-Jun’s acting is way worse than mine. I just smiled and he fainted. What kind of logic is that? Even Old Man Lan’s acting is better.”</p><p>Lan Wangji, “uncle is not acting. True reaction.”</p><p>Wei Wuxian, “oh.. okay…”</p><p>Suddenly, a loud voice booming outside the jingshi. “Senior Wei!! Hanguang-Jun!!” It was Lan Jingyi. As expected, Lan Sizhui was with him. Unexpectedly, Jin Ling and Ouyang Zizhen were there too. </p><p>Wei Wuxian, “yo kids! Why the fuck yall here?”</p><p>Lan Wangji, “language.”</p><p>Wei Wuxian, “I know.”</p><p>Suddenly, Lan Wangji fainted. The four kids and Wei Wuxian screamed.</p><p>“HANGUANG-JUN!!!!”</p><p>“LAN ZHAN!!!”</p><p>One hour later, Lan Wangji awake. He looked around and saw five guys staring at him. Lan Wangji, “who are you guys? You looked familiar. Wait…..” Lan Wangji squinted. “Xiao Zhan ge? Why are you wearing something like that? Why your hair is long?”</p><p>Wei Wuxian, “Xiao Zhan? Who is that?” he gasped loudly and dramatically. “are you cheating on me Lan Zhan? Do you have someone else other than me? HOW COULD YOU LAN ZHAN! WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR FIVE YEARS! WE EVEN HAVE A SON! I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM LAST MONTH!” Wei Wuxian pointed at Wen Ning who carried their supposedly son. The four kids looked at Wen Ning and gasped. </p><p>Jin Ling, “wait since when uncle gave birth? I never heard of it.”</p><p>Ouyang Zizhen, “holy shit a baby!!!!”</p><p>Lan Wangji, “what the fuck.”<br/>
The others including the baby gasped. Hanguang-Jun just cursed. What the hell is going on??????</p><p>Lan Wangji stood up. “listen yall mufakas. My name is not Lan Zhan. My name is Wang Yibo. I am 23 years old. I don’t know what is happening right now.”</p><p>“wHERE THE FUCK AM I?!” someone shouted outside the Jingshi. As the voice was really familiar to Lan Wangji- I mean, Wang Yibo, he ran outside and saw a very very very very very very very familiar person.</p><p>“seungyoun hyung, is that you??” the guy- Cho Seungyoun who was wearing the traditional korean clothes looked at Wang Yibo.</p><p>Cho Seungyoun, “Yibo? Is that you?”</p><p>Wang Yibo, “aYY BROOOOOO LONG TIME NO SEE!” and went to hug Seungyoun.</p><p>Cho Seungyoun hugged back, “hol da fak ap, y r u so tall?”</p><p>Wang Yibo, “God made me like this, just accept it, dude.”</p><p>Cho Seungyoun, “yeap yeap, bang bang..”</p><p>Wei Wuxian ran outside with those 4 kids and Wen Ning and the fooking baby.</p><p>His heart was shattered to pieces after he saw Yibo (Lan Zhan, in his point of view.) and Seungyoun (some random dood, in his point of view.) hugged each other.</p><p>He dramatically slid down and (fake) cried, “how dare you, Lan Zhan? How dare you cheated on me with some random dude!”</p><p>Wang Yibo, “sir, I don’t know who you are, but you kinda look like Xiao Zhan ge, but you’re not him.. so….. yeah, I don’t know anymore.”</p><p>(rapid transition to modern world) (SHIEEEWWWW MFS)</p><p>Wang Yibo (or is it Lan Wangji?) woke up. He looked around the room that is not his room. He felt weird. He once again looked around the room with caution. What is this place? This is not the jingshi. Where is Wei Ying? Suddenly, someone entered his (or not) room.</p><p>Stranger, “yo Yibo you finally woke up. Go shower and get dressed. You have a very packed schedule today.”</p><p>Wang Yibo (actually Lan Wangji), “who are you? Where am I? How did I get here? What is your cultivation sect and its leader?”</p><p>The stranger was dumbfounded. He then laughed. “hahahahahaha what the hell are you talking about. Are you having weird dreams last night? Hahahaha come on go shower. Today is a busy day, again.” the stranger walked out of the room. Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji) was confused. What the hell is going on??????</p><p>(time skip SHOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGGGG TIME MAZINE)</p><p>Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji) looked at himself in the mirror. Then, two women came to him and started to touch his hair and face. </p><p>Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji), “don’t touch me. I don’t like it.”</p><p>Woman 1, “uhhh I want to apply make up to you. You have a show today.”</p><p>Woman 2, “and I want to style your hair.”</p><p>Suddenly, a guy entered the room. Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji) turned around. His eyes turned wide. “Wei Ying?”</p><p>Then, the guy who just entered the room immediately looked towards him.</p><p>“Wei Ying? Yibo, the shooting’s already over. I’m Xiao Zhan.” the guys laughed.</p><p>Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji), “No. You’re Wei Ying.” he walked towards Xiao Zhan.</p><p>Xiao Zhan, “boi I know you missed the shooting, but please, I’m Xiao Zhan..”</p><p>Xiao Zhan snickered then sat down at the chair beside Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji), “If you wanna joke around, this is not the time, Yibo..”</p><p>Suddenly, Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji) touched his head and fell to the ground. Not long after, he passed out.</p><p>(tO THE THE UNTAMED WORLD SHIUUUUUUUNNGGGGG)</p><p>Wang Yibo (Lan Wangji) who was having fun dancing with Cho Seungyoun at the frontyard of jingshi suddenly fell to the ground.</p><p>Cho Seungyoun was shocked, “Yibo!!”</p><p>That made the others in jingshi ran outside.</p><p>Wang Yibo heard all the screams and passed out and without him knowing, Cho Seungyoun was faded away.</p><p>(bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop blooooooooop)</p><p>Lan Wangji woke up and saw Wei Wuxian beside him.</p><p>Lan Wangji, “Wei Ying…”</p><p>Wei Wuxian turned to Lan Wangji and smiled widely, “Lan Zhan..”</p><p>Lan Wangji sat up and touched his head, “Where am I? Is it just a dream…?”</p><p>Wei Wuxian, “what are you talking about Lan Zhan… AAAAHHHHHHH SHIT I FORGOT THERE’S A FIERCE CORPSE HERE!”</p><p>Lan Wangji, “what?” Lan Wangji saw as Wei Wuxian was trying his best to fight the fierce corpse while Wen Ning was busy beating the other corpses ass. He was dumbfounded for a while but then the screams of Wei Wuxian asking for his help startled him and immediately went to rescue his soulmate.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The End.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I regret nothing. </p><p>This story is pure crack and did not have any relations to the title. I'm just bored 🤡✌️</p><p>I take any constructive criticisms 👁️👄👁️ please</p></blockquote></div></div>
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